The Aiglet

FDA officials placing biohazard symbols on organic pasta boxes in sterile government office

FDA Launches 'Organic Russian Roulette' Initiative to Promote 'Food Mindfulness' Following Deadly Listeria Outbreak

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Following a devastating listeriosis outbreak that killed eleven people and hospitalized dozens more, the FDA announced today its …

A team of "Strategic Inefficiency Officers" hard at work, or at least appearing to be

Ex-Government Bigwigs Find New Purpose as Inefficiency Consultants for Billionaires

In a surprising turn of events, former government bigwigs who were once criticized for their inefficiency have found a new lease on life as …

A Texan demonstrates the "drive-thru car wash" cooling technique

Texas and Florida Lawmakers Unveil Revolutionary "Fry an Egg" Energy Conservation Plan

In a bold bipartisan move that has climate scientists shaking their heads and chickens nervously clucking, Texas and Florida lawmakers have unveiled …

Confused refugees being loaded onto a plane bound for Caracas

White Refugees Deported to Venezuela After Failing to Assimilate

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In what immigration experts are calling “the ultimate plot twist,” the United States has begun deporting white refugees …

Health Secretary proudly displays the new "Autism Eradication Vaccine" while standing in front of a graph showing autism rates going down

Health Secretary Declares War on Autism Using Controversial Vaccines

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a press conference that left both medical experts and anti-vaxxers equally flabbergasted, Health Secretary Dr. Evelyn Wainwright …

Silicon Valley CEOs with crates of virtual reality headsets on their private jets

Silicon Valley CEOs Turn to Private Jets for High-Altitude Smuggling Operations

In a shocking turn of events, the world’s most powerful tech executives have found a new use for their private jets - smuggling high-value goods …

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